Relationships and Sexual Health

Rotherham Fostering Service believes that all children in placement have the right to relationships and sex education as those not in a placement.

When we talk about relationships and sex it can often feel like quite a difficult subject. What you need to remember is that this subject covers many things including friendships, body parts and body changes.

Figures show that Looked After Children are at high risk of becoming a teenage parent because of sometimes being out of education or being moved from placements so it is vital that you feel able to deal with this subject.

You should ensure that as part of the Placement Plan you are clear of any family values or religious beliefs that underpin this subject. A parent may express wishes about their child's sex education, which should be taken into account, but your over-riding aim must be to safeguard a young person's health and well-being.

Age-appropriate conversations about relationships should begin early in a child's life and continue as they grow up. But if a young person is placed with you as an older teenager, it's never too late to talk about sex. All children need communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don't appear to be interested in what you have to say. They may come across a lot of inappropriate information on the TV, radio or internet so they need to be able to check what is right and what is wrong.

Remember to talk to both girls and boys and don't assume if there are two carers the other is doing it. Both carers should be involved in these conversations.

You must adopt the same approach to children who explore or are confused about their sexual identity or who have decided to follow a particular lifestyle so long as it is not abusive or illegal.

Discussing relationships and sex can be more complex if the child / young person has been sexually abused. They may blame themselves and have confused feelings about the purpose of sex. You may need to work closely with other professionals including the child's Social Worker to ensure they are clear on appropriate relationships and sexual behaviour, and to rebuild self esteem and develop trusting relationships.

You should be aware not to project how you feel about the subject onto the child, so if you cringe when asked a question, the child may also shut down or be unsure what this means.

Research says that if you talk to children about this subject they are more likely to delay having sex and use contraception when they do.

Effective relationship and sex education at home and at school is essential if young people are to make responsible and well informed decisions about their lives and resist peer pressure.

Schools are required to provide relationships and sex education as part of the curriculum for all children and young people. School programmes are based on national and local guidelines and take place both at primary and secondary level. Sometimes you will be automatically notified by a child's school of what they are planning to deliver, if not you should try to find out when programmes are being introduced so that you are prepared for any questions they may have.

• Start early, don't feel you need to know it all, but if the child asks you a question and you don't know the answer say you will get back to them and make sure you do. Answer questions simply if asked - e.g. what is a condom? It stops ladies from having babies;
• It is always best to check out what a child / young people know, so if they ask you a question, ask them what they think it means;
• Do not wait for them to raise the subject. You could talk to a young person about something that has been on the television or in the news to get their views. This should also cover topics such as friendships, respect and trust;
• Find books, leaflets or appropriate websites dependent on age for the child to look at, or look at them together;
• Find out where local services are that can help. Contact local youth services or look on-line for more information;
• Try to be truthful as stories about storks can be confusing and will need to be changed later;
• Use words to describe sex and sexual body parts that you and your family are comfortable with. Remember though that words used within the family maybe different to those used with medical people such as GPs and nurses. There are no right or wrong words although children do need to know the proper words such as vagina, penis and testicles;
• Accept that discussions will be most difficult with teenagers especially if you have never had these type of conversations before - persevere even if it doesn't go well the first time or even the second time at least you will have broken the ice. Remind them that you are always there for them if they need you;
• Try not to lecture or preach. Young people resist being told what to do and what not to do. Have open discussions listening carefully to what they have to say. It will help to try and understand things from their point of view - you may like to reassure your child by sharing experiences and feelings from your own childhood;
• Take into account the child's family's own values and beliefs, and the messages that you want to give to your children / young people about relationships and sex. Let children / young people know what these are and why they are important to you and your family but allow them to explore their own values and beliefs as they grown older. This will also help them to learn about the importance of tolerance and respecting the views of others;
• Ask them what they think about waiting to have sex with someone they care about, and who they think they should be responsible for contraception and safe sex;
• Talk to other foster carers about how they answer difficult questions and if they have any advice.

Some young people may have a strong desire to have a baby. They may think by doing this they can create their own family which could offer love and stability. It may be useful to seek support from their Social Worker or your Supervising Social Worker about how to deal with this. They could help you identify possible agencies who may be able to advise you. They may look at exercises such as:

• How they plan to support a baby emotionally and financially;
• What are the day to day costs needed to care for a baby;
• Experiencing what it is like to care for a baby;
• What do they want for their children?

Whilst not encouraging it, it is understood that young people may engage in sexual activity; some before they reach the age of consent which is 16. You should speak to your Supervising Social Worker and the young person's Social Worker to agree what steps to take to reduce the risk of pregnancy or infection, including contact with a sexual health services. You should not give advice on contraceptive choices, the sexual health services are trained to do this.

If a young person is suspected or known to be pregnant or have a sexually transmitted infection, you should speak to your Supervising Social Worker, who should consult the child's Social Worker to decide on the actions that should be taken as soon as possible.

Children under the age of 13 are deemed unable to give consent to any sexual activity. If you are concerned that a child placed with you has engaged in sexual activity, this must be referred to the local authority's Children's Social Care Services under the Rotherham Safeguarding Children Partnership Procedures (as a Safeguarding Children Referral).

Any child under the age of 16 years may seek contraceptive advice without the consent of the parent or guardian.

You can:

1. Talk to young people about contraception and abortion;
2. Give young people information on contraception and abortion services;
3. Send or go with a young person to sexual health clinics (always call ahead to check opening times etc are correct);
4. Give single condoms to under 16s as part of an information session. When providing condoms for contraceptive use and the prevention of STIs, it is good practice to have received Hardware training.

Issues of confidentiality are fundamental to promoting positive sex and relationship education and health. Young people have a right to expect that those who work with or care for them respect their privacy.

The guiding principle of confidentiality is that personal information about an individual should not be disclosed to anyone without that individual's consent, unless failure to do so would put that person or others at greater / increased risk.

If there is good reason to think that a young person is being abused, exploited and / or at risk of Significant Harm the best approach is to encourage the young person to agree for action to be taken to protect them.

Carers and staff need to be alert to any behaviour which might indicate that a young person in foster care is at risk of being sexual exploited or is being abused through exploitation as it is unlikely the child will make a disclosure and therefore, indicators maybe the only evidence available to demonstrate that a child may be at risk of Significant Harm:

• Regularly coming home late or going missing;
• Overt sexualised dress;
• Sexualised risk taking including on the internet;
• Associating with unknown adults or other children at risk of sexual exploitation;
• Reduced contact with family, friends and other networks;
• Sexually transmitted infections / multiple STI’s;
• Experimenting with drugs and or alcohol;
• Getting into cars with unknown adults;
• Associating with adults known to be linked to CSE;
• Internet grooming;
• Offering to have sex for money or other payment;
• Receiving rewards for recruiting peers;
• Disclosure and or withdrawal of a complaint of physical assault;
• Reports of being involved in CSE through being seen at hotspots;
• Having an older boy / girlfriend;
• Non attendance at School;
• Staying out overnight with no explanation;
• Breakdown of placement;
• Unaccounted money or goods;
• Self Harming;
• Repeat offending;
• Gang member or association;
• Child under 13 years old engaging in penetrative sex with someone over 15 years old;
• Pattern of street homelessness and staying with an adult to be sexual exploitation them;
• Child under 16 meeting different adults and exchanging or selling sexual activity;
• Removed from hotspot area by professionals;
• Being taken to clubs and hotels by adults;
• Disclosure of serious sexual assault and or withdrawal of statement;
• Abduction and forced imprisonment;
• Being moved around for sexual activity;
• Disappearing from systems with no contact;
• Multiple miscarriages or terminations;
• Indicators of CSE with chronic alcohol and drug use;
• Indicators of CSE with serious self harming.                     

If the young person does not agree, and there is sufficient concern that there is a risk of significant harm, information can be shared without the young person's consent. The Rotherham Safeguarding Children Partnership Procedures Child Protection Procedures must be followed.

See also: Rotherham Safeguarding Children Partnership Procedures, Child Sexual Exploitation Procedure.